Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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