Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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