I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
