She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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