You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
