apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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