Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
