I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just had sex bonerless
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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