My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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