I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
