return my video game
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
