Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
