so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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