Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
