why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
