he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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