38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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