Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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