dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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