If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
