what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
