When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
