im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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