just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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