dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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