ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
