Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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