Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
