THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
