haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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