Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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