she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
