just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
