3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
meet me or not, i'm out of control
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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