Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
