Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
