no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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