I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
