Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
