giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
