I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize