Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
