i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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