I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize