Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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