Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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