Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
