yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
