So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
