I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I want to make a zoo with you.
...so i touched it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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