Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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