I wish i was in the wii world.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
