the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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