the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
