did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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