Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
