He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
