I'm really into asian looking animals
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
