the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
