I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
