I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
