My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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