careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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