I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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