I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
