Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
