oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You need a sexual gate keeper
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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