so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
