He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't deserve a penis
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize