Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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