in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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