Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
