There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
