And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
