Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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