Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
