flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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